I hope you are enjoying your September and finding things to bring you joy.
This past weekend, something happened in my hometown that brought me a lot of joy. First, my city held their first ever Trans Pride Day/Festival. I wasn't able to attend, but many of my friends and colleagues were there.
The whole thing is pretty cool but what brought me the most joy was that our city, Rochester, NY - came out to the event and made September 5 officially Trans Day of Joy. In a time when our trans friends are under such attack - remembering to celebrate the joy is more important than ever.
Where are you finding joy these days?
Trans Day of Joy - Rochester NY - 09/05
When Everyone In The House Is Neurospicy and Nobody Has Any Spoons Left
Some days it feels like everyone in your house is running on 3% battery.
Someone forgot to pick up something they agreed to on the way home. Someone else is hiding in their room because they are overstimulated. The kitchen is a wreck, the dog is barking and someone is crying (it might be you.) And someone can’t find the phone that they are currently using like a flashlight to look for their phone.
Chaos!
The hardest part is that nobody’s trying to make anyone else’s day harder.
When people picture ADHD or neurodivergence in a family, they often imagine one person who needs some extra support. But many households have more than one neurospicy brain.
ADHD, for example, is known to run in families. Maybe two partners both have ADHD. Maybe one person is autistic, and one person has ADHD. In my house – we have three adults: one with ADHD, one with Autism, and one who is AuDHD.
Maybe everyone has different sensory needs, different executive functioning challenges, different ways to communicate, and differeing ways to of handling stress. It might sometimes feel less like a family and more like a group project where no one wanted to be in charge.
The good news? You aren’t the problem – and neither are they. Nobody is the problem.
The challenge is that everyone’s nervous system is asking for something differing all at the same time.
Tips For Asking For Help Without Feeling Like A Burden
Be as specific as possible when you ask for help. "Can you sit with me while I clean out my closet?" is easier for people to digest than, "Can you help me?"
Along the same lines, know what you need: is it advice? an ear? a ride somewhere? help brainstorming?
Remember you don't have to prove you've exhausted yourself before you ask for help.
Give the other person room to say no. Asking if they have the capacity, time, or energy to help with what you are about to ask allows them to decline if they need to.
Notice your double standard. If your friend or co-worker asked for the exact same help, would you think about how burdensome they are? If not, why are the rules different for you?
Remember that needing help from other humans isn't a character flaw. It doesn't mean you are failing at adulting. We aren't meant to do everything alone.
Gentle Reflection Question
What are you proud of that no one else may have noticed?
I'll leave you with this today - it's National School Picture Day - here are two throwback Thursday photos. One is probably first or second grade in a frilly blue shirt with my hair up and curls - the second is my sensior photo (taken the summer before senior year) - wearing a peach sweater, my hair big and curled.
Enjoy National School Picture Day - and the rest of your week!
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